The Travel Critic

Raclette in Abu Dhabi: a place that promises so much on paper—great location, a fun concept (melted cheese! Who doesn’t love that?), yet somehow manages to feel like the restaurant version of a failed soufflé: collapsed and baffling.

The service? Blisteringly fast, but not in a Michelin-starred way. More like they’re trying to push you out the door before you’ve had time to wonder why you came in. One minute, you’re gently placing your starter fork down; the next, the mains arrive with the speed of a Fast & Furious sequel, crashing onto the table before you’ve even had a sip of your wine. And speaking of wine, they’ll whip your glasses away the moment you’re not gripping them like they’re life rafts. At one point, they even cleared my wife’s plate while I was still eating. Can we all agree that’s one of the cardinal sins of dining?

Then there’s the menu. Oh, the menu. A QR code that takes you to what feels like the world’s first website from 1996—ugly, hard to navigate, and as inspiring as a tax return. We’re not in a post-apocalyptic pandemic world anymore; can we please have an actual menu? It feels like they cheaped out on paper and ink, which is rather ironic in a place where the cheese alone must cost more than an Emirates flight to Geneva.

The décor? Swiss-themed, except it’s like they got confused halfway through and decided to go rainforest. Are we in Zurich or the Amazon? I can’t quite tell, and the TVs showing obscure football matches certainly didn’t help the ambience. Nothing says “sophisticated Alpine dining” quite like being forced to watch Kazakhstan vs. Moldova.

At the end of the day, unless you’re desperately craving a pile of melted cheese—like really craving it—do yourself a favour and head somewhere else. There are better options nearby, and ones that won’t leave you feeling like you’ve just survived some odd dining speedrun.

But hey, at least the cheese was melted.