The Travel Critic

What do Rafael Nadal, Cristiano Ronaldo, and I have in common? Well, it’s not sporting prowess—my golf swing is as hazardous as a toddler with a cricket bat. It’s not the money either; I wore trousers last night that last saw the light of day when Oasis was still topping charts. No, the answer is simple: we’ve all been to TOTÓ in Abu Dhabi. They own it; I just ate there.

Yes, the Portuguese footballer and Spanish tennis legend have joined forces not to launch some predictable sports bar with their memorabilia slapped all over the walls but to open… an Italian restaurant. As you do. And not just any Italian, mind you, but a rather splendid one. Scratch that—exquisite.

We’ve come a long way since the cringe-worthy days when Arnie, Sly, and Bruce hawked overpriced burgers and plastic memorabilia at Planet Hollywood. Now, celebrity-backed restaurants are all about where they’d actually want to eat. And if the mere sprinkling of stardust adds some glamour to your meal, all the better.

TOTÓ manages to capture the opulence of old-school Italian fine dining but without the stuffy pretence. It’s polished yet contemporary, with just enough cheekiness in the details to remind you it’s all meant to be enjoyed. The peppermill, for instance, is a monstrosity that would need a license to operate in the UK—it’s glorious.

And when the desert heat finally dips, the terrace seating is going to be prime real estate, with sunsets so spectacular you’ll wonder if you’ve wandered into a Fellini film.

But let’s talk about the food, shall we? That open kitchen is like peeking behind the curtain of a magic show, and the chefs work culinary wizardry. Every plate bursts with bold flavours and is cooked with a precision that would make a Michelin inspector weep.

So, who should go here? If you’re looking for a special night out with stellar food, impeccable service, and an atmosphere that balances elegance with warmth, then book yourself a table. Because if it’s good enough for Rafa and Cristiano, it’s definitely good enough for me. And I suspect, for you too.