1. The Arrival: First Impressions Matter (and I Never Forget Them)
From the moment I book to the moment I arrive, I’m observing — the tone of the confirmation email, the wording on the welcome sign, the temperature of the welcome towel (lukewarm = lost opportunity).
This is when most guests decide if they’ll come back. If your valet greets me like I’ve crashed a private wake, or reception can’t find my name despite three emails and a blood sample, we’re off to a shaky start.
If, however, I’m handed a flute of something local and cold within 90 seconds, we’re likely to be friends.
2. The Room: Not Just a Bed, It’s the Brand
I photograph it before I unpack. I test the light switches like I’m hacking into the Pentagon. I open drawers, inspect grout, check the minibar for something beyond peanuts and moral disappointment.
Beds are tested for bounce, baths for soak-worthiness, and windows for views that aren’t just of next door’s ventilation unit.
If the mattress is sublime, the turndown service thoughtful, and someone’s remembered to include a handwritten note that isn’t obviously photocopied — I’ll notice. And I’ll say so.
3. The Experience: It’s the Little Things
Great service isn’t just professional — it’s personal. I notice if someone remembers my name (even once), if housekeeping folds my charging cable (I love you), and if the bartender talks about the menu like he actually drinks from it.
Equally, I spot when someone’s on autopilot. If I ask about the catch of the day and you say “it’s fish,” we’ve got problems.
And yes, I try the spa. Yes, I eat at your restaurant. Yes, I test the Wi-Fi. (And yes, if the signal drops in the bath, it will make the review.)
4. The Style: Less Filter, More Flair
This isn’t a press release. I write with personality. My reviews aren’t fluff — they’re stories. Crafted to entertain, inform, and persuade. Sometimes with gentle sarcasm. Sometimes with praise. Occasionally both in the same paragraph.
But always with honesty. I say what I see. I notice what others miss. And I tell my readers the truth — because that’s what makes them trust me.
5. The Review Itself: Published, Promoted, Permanent
Once written, your review is published on The Travel Critic, shared with my audience on social media, and optimised to be found by future guests searching for the perfect stay. The coverage doesn’t expire after 24 hours. It lives online — and continues to influence long after I’ve checked out.
If your hotel delivers on its promises (and ideally, exceeds them), this is an invaluable piece of lasting digital PR.
6. What I’m Not
I’m not here to pose on a swing in a bathrobe or write a paragraph for a free buffet. I’m not your marketing intern. I’m not here to be managed, scheduled, or sold a timeshare.
I’m here to stay as a guest, observe as a critic, and write as a professional. If that’s what you’re after — we’re going to get along famously.
Let’s Make It Happen
If you’re proud of your hotel and want it reviewed with wit, insight, and authority — then invite me. I travel often, write quickly, and know exactly what makes a hotel worthy of five stars (and what makes it fall short).
Contact Information:
Email: Paul@thetravelcritic.co.uk
Phone: +44 7816459474
Read more on my ‘How to work with me‘ page.
The Travel Critic 